Random

Haven't posted anything for a while, been busy though. Lots of turtles sent out with love, some to friends and more for MLM

A good friend got married a few weeks back and we didn't have lot of money for a fancy gift so I thought a little trinket of love would be appreciated.





Thought a before and after shoot might be interesting




Freya supporting canteen. She loves her bandana and gets so excited each evening when we put it on her (it comes off during the day when she's outside)



How cute are these guys? Want one, join the queue!

T-Day

Tomorrow is our boy's first birthday, even though he'll never get to turn one we will never forget him or the impact he has had on our lives.

The last day we spent with Thomas, was sunny but windy and as we were leaving the hospital and heading back to the car a gust of wind picked up (this has been a recurrent thing) and as we reached the car we were surrounded by a flight of blossom leave as they were blown from the trees we were parked next to. We thought them cherry blossom but when we bought Thomas' tree last weekend we discovered it was actually a flowering plum.

A tree for Thomas


Dragonflies are my way of representing Thomas. I often draw one on my hand, I wear one on a necklace, I have one tattooed with his initials on my ankle and Kris has been trying to find a dragonfly candle for months. I ended up finding a mould on ebay and bought some wax so I could make one, as a surprise. The package was a surprise but as Kris was here when it arrived the making of the candle became a team effort, and much more special because of it.

A candle for Thomas

Friends forever but not in life

One of the best and worst parts of this horrible journey is the people you meet. The best because they understand without question what you are going through, they know how you feel because they feel it to. Our experiences may differ but the end result is the same, we have lost our children, our hopes and our dreams.

The worst part of it is that every time you meet someone new you know it's because they have lost their child and it's heartbreaking how many friends we now have from this journey.

I wish we could have met S and D at a new mothers meeting or playgroup. I know this never would have happened because location and common interests keep us apart, except for now. Now we have the most common of interests, how do we ever get over the loss of our precious boys? Short answer is never, the long answer is you will never recover but surround yourself with understanding and kind people and you will have help to get over the hardest parts.

These guys were made for two special little boys, never together in life, friends forever in death.




Mums Like Me is an charity begun by a baby loss mother to honour the memory of her twin boys. She create memory boxes for bereaved parents to take home when they leave hospital. In the absence of a child it is small comfort but it beats empty arms.

These guys are hopefully going to find empty arms to fill and offer a small comfort in the face of huge loss.

From Thomas

Bearing with it

Last Friday was a tough day. I was already feeling a bit sad as I walked into work. We often get different companies leaving samples in our mail room and on this particular morning there was some stuff from a dentist supply company. The reminder card to send to patients with "Has it been that long already?" next to a smiling giraffe. Of all the things to see, of all the messages to read.

One of my lovely colleagues saw I was a bit upset and made me go have a coffee with him. It was a beautiful winter morning. Bright blue sky and just enough sun to feel warm and lovely. It was also a really lovely chance to get to know him outside of timetables and class lists.

Sometimes life is too much to bear on our own...




This one I made just for me.

Meant for and made for

Usually the animals I make are not actually made for the people who end up with them. The first turtle I ever made now sits on top of the coffee machine that makes my morning coffee. I had just finished it on the train to work and when I went to pick up my coffee from my lovely barista I knew it was meant for her. Turns out that one of her close friend's nickname is turtle and they were talking, just before I arrived, about how much they were missing her.



The 2nd turtle I made I was determined to keep. The day I finished it I get a message from our close friend, they've had to put their puppy to sleep. Amber had been fighting (boy did she fight - brave girl) lymphoma for 6 months and they just couldn't keep watching her suffer.



When my niece asked if she could have a giraffe I was unsure if it would ever happen. A few times I've had request or even gone to make something for a specific person and it's ended up either not made or with someone else. Bean was quite specific about the colours and I guess Thomas really wanted his cousin to have one of his friends.


This is 'little purple' with the turtle Thomas gave Grandma

People you meet

One of the strangest experiences, for me, in this ivf journey is the lack of peer support during the process. The midwives and doctors have been amazing - available and supportive throughout the whole process. One of the key elements is the monitoring of your hormones which is done vi a blood tests. It's such an isolating experience you turn up to the clinic between 7-8 and write your name on the list. There can be as many as 20 women waiting for blood on any given day and NO ONE talks! Occasionally Kris will come with me and we find ourselves whispering to each other rather than use normal voices. I've always found is so weird because we're obviously all there for the same reason and it could be a built in support group but it's so serous and quiet. Except for Di. Di is the lady who takes the blood. She's an older lady and exceptionally compassionate and the perfect antedote to that austere waiting room.

This little guy keeps her company and greets me every time I go in for blood (I really wish I didn't have to go so often :( )

The long way home

I really love turtles, especially that little guy from "Finding Nemo" LOL

They're such tenacious little characters. Watching hatching turtles make their way down the beach for their first swim is just amazing and the fact that they can't be deterred makes me admire them even more.

Bet you know where this is heading...

Meet the shell crew





I'm hoping these guys will be making their way home really soon.

A new inspiration

This year the theme for the SIDS and kids Red Nose memorial service is Sea Horses. A google search later and this cute little guy made an appearance.

The purple one is now happily 'floating' at the ivf clinic.


  

An Introduction

When our Son Thomas was born sleeping at just 20 weeks I was devastated. I had never even imagined I could experience so much pain and despair. As the days blurred past me I became quite frantic with the need to make something for him, something he could keep forever but there was no time. Then I found the pattern for a crocheted baby giraffe and knew it was perfect for him. I stayed up most of the night before his funeral making it for him. I was still sewing bits on in the car.  At first I was quite distressed that he wasn't finished but someone gently pointed out that neither was Thomas.




I have continued to make these and other small crochet animals as it helps me to feel closer to Thomas. After his funeral I made another little giraffe to sit beside his ashes, we call him TD and he's our little companion whenever we need to feel closer to him.



As I'm making the little animals I never know who they're going to be for until I have finished it, I like to think Thomas is choosing for me.


I'm hoping that this can be a place where I can share them.